Understanding Infertifility for Men - Part 2

After posting about the infertility post, I got a tiny bit of backlash for the post, so I felt it was right to address it in this post.

First and foremost - I am not a doctor, nor do I claim to be. Second - yes I don’t have a fucking clue what you’ve been through in life. You could have had multiple miscarriages and I still don’t understand it, I really don’t claim to understand what you’re going through. Third - I’m not rubbing it in your face that my wife and I were successful. This isn’t really my fault, and I don’t see why it should be?

I was trying to paint a picture for men who can’t understand what a woman is going through, because I was guilty of this myself. I didn’t understand it, so I wanted to sympathise with them. I didn’t really realise that it would have caused that much heartache.

Personal story time: I lost my best friends due to them having persistent fertility issues, and us being successful. The thing is, I thought that since we were all friends, we’d all be ok. I was sorely fucking mistaken… We aren’t friends anymore. Strangely enough, I was the one that cut that cord because I realised it was unhealthy.

Once you end up having a child or growing up, you start realising who you want to hang out with and who is good for you etc. This was one incident on top of many other toxic traits that I wasn’t willing to accept or adhere to in my life, and I 100% didn’t want that for my wife. Currently, my wife is exhausted dealing with baby full time, and I’d like to protect her from potentially bad eggs - as well as our daughter. I didn’t want her to be taken advantage of, and that’s exactly what was going on here.

We told them about our pregnancy, and she stopped talking to us for months. Once she got pregnant, it was as if nothing ever happened. Now I did say I was to be more understanding of people with fertility issues, but I realised that the this wasn’t just an isolated incident. This person has always been perpetually jealous of my wife. Jealous and insanely insecure. So much so, that she forbid my wife from wearing make up, or kissing a first cousin of hers, because she fancied her own cousin. My wife was ok to go out with him because they’re not related, but imagine forbidding someone to kiss your cousin because you fancied your own cousin. She fell out with my wife for weeks, and my wife had to apologise. That’s incredibly toxic behaviour, and it was rearing it’s ugly head once again when we got pregnant.

I wasn’t going to let her have anymore of the control or fun of bossing my wife around - so I told her and her husband (ex best friend) that it’s time to end the friendship… evidently, they both did not take it very well. Either way - they’re out of our life now.

What’s the take home from this?

Well honestly… I’m not sure.

If we go back to the original post, the reason I wrote it was to give myself and others a bit of closure about what it was like knowing a person with infertility issues, and them having issues. This post was definitely more personal and struck a bit of a chord. In the end, I believe it was better to cut someone out of my life who has jealousy/insecurity issues if it puts a rift in the friendship. If they’re reading this, know that you only have yourself to blame for this one because of your pettiness - whether you were in a bad place or not, you could have still been happy for us rather than casting us aside.

This wasn’t a decision I took lightly as well. No matter how many people I’ve consulted with about this, we’re never painted as the assholes because we were carrying on with our life, where as you were stuck in your own stink unable to even try to be happy… that just reaks of asshole.